God Speaks, but do we listen?
I know today is story day, but before we get there, I have something on my heart that I want to share. This morning I woke up to a text from a friend that her daughter was going to church with her for the first time in a very long time. She has said she doesn't believe in God for quite a while, but this morning she did not reject the invitation to join my friend.
As I sat in church this morning, I watched 11 people be baptized. They ranged from elementary school aged kids all the way up to adults. Over the last 3 weeks our church has seen over 100 people be baptized.
Why am I telling you this?
Something is moving & stirring in our hearts! I know there are many different religious denominations, so this post isn't about a right or wrong way to believe in Christ, but instead it's about believing that we were all created for a purpose and God has a plan for each of our lives. It's never too late to listen and act. Whether you're an adult that has proclaimed there is no God for the last few years, or someone that has grown up entering the church doors pretty much every time they were open, we all have to act at some point. So many people think they have to reach some level or understand more to accept the love of Jesus Christ, but all it takes is 1 action to begin your journey. Take that step. Accept the invite!
If there's a stirring in your heart, please reach out to someone today. You don't have to become a Bible scholar first. God so loved the world! Not just a select few. Just act and watch what God can do in your life!
So now the breast cancer story continues....
Tuesday, January 26th I met with a breast doctor. A sweet friend drove me to the appointment and thank goodness she didn't just drop and go because we went to the wrong location first. Remember this is still Covid world, so she couldn't go in with me. Once we got where we were actually supposed to be, I filled out all the new patient paperwork and sat down in the waiting room. I was sitting in a waiting room of an office with "breast cancer" in the name. Was this real? Was this really happening? They called me back and gave me the wonderful instructions to remove everything from the waist up and I changed into a lovely paper gown. The doctor was very nice and explained all kinds of things to me. She did her exam, discussed what the radiologist had sent over from my previous imaging and then she did an ultrasound herself. Again, I had no idea what we were looking at, but I sure did look at the screen like it was going to tell me something. It didn't. She said just because I have a solid mass, does not automatically mean it's cancerous. She said many (and most) times it is a condition that can mimic breast cancer but isn't. Still, I knew I saw that word "spiculated" on the screen before and my dear friend google had convinced me this was cancerous. She did reassure me (and also told me to get off google) that even some of the other things could also be spiculated. So, we were going to hope and pray that's what this was. And did you know that actually only about 20% of biopsies reveal breast cancer? That actually made me feel a little better. There is a good chance this is all going to be over soon.
She then began to explain what type of biopsy I would need; an ultrasound guided core needle biopsy. Since the mass could not be felt, they would use an ultrasound to locate it, then she would insert a thin hollow needle and remove tissue from the mass. If only I could have just left things here. She explained what she needed to, and I should have left it there and just showed up to the appointment. But no, I decided to reach out to my dear friend google again. Seriously, why do we do this to ourselves? So, the information I learned was helpful, but why oh why did I look at imaging?
The appointment was scheduled for February 9th. Almost 1 month from the original mammogram. Leading up to this appointment, I prayed a lot. I'm not usually one to say I have "God spoke to me" moments. I do believe that God speaks to us, but I feel like usually this is by revealing in scripture something we need to hear or possibly an event or circumstance that He reveals Himself through or maybe the pastor was preaching just to you one Sunday. I don't (or at least, hadn't) felt an audible voice of God. There was no burning bush, but I definitely heard God speak. I was in the shower and the words "it is going to be cancer, but you will be fine" were as clear as if my child had walked in and asked me a question. I sometimes struggle with, could this be God's voice or am I in my own head saying something that I want to hear. That was not the case here. First, because "it's going to be cancer" isn't something I wanted to hear and second, I couldn't shake it. It was strong. It was clear. And it was not just in my head. At the risk of sounding a bit crazy to my family and friends, I didn't say anything at first. I continued to condition my husband to the idea that if this turns out to be cancer, I was getting a mastectomy. My husband is one of the most level-headed, even-keeled, non-anxious people I've ever met. Opposites really do attract! His response to me every time I would get a little worked up was "there's nothing to worry about until there's something to worry about." I was already worrying about making decisions on a mastectomy before I even knew (from a doctor) that I had cancer. He was trying to help me take a step back and not worry about something I didn't need to worry about. But I did need to worry about it because God had already told me it was cancer. But was I going to sound like a crazy person if I told him that? Eventually I knew I needed to share what happened. He didn't think I was crazy, or if he did, he kept it to himself. He just said, "ok, we will figure it out once we need to make that decision."
One thing that, in my experience, is the absolute worst in the world of cancer is the WAITING. Oh, the waiting and the unknown. It's awful. Since I had another 2 weeks of waiting before the biopsy, I tried not to let the thoughts take over me. Thankfully, within those 2 weeks I had some distractions. That weekend my girlfriends and I had a birthday to celebrate, so we all went to dinner and had some amazing laughs. Especially when it came time to take a picture. The pastor of our church passed away from Covid, so that added some additional emotion. My daughter was taking horseback riding lessons and she was trying out some new things, so that was fun to watch, I met my girlfriends for lunch
at the local Mexican restaurant and another group of girlfriends from school went out for dinner. I also have a very dear friend that moved away and she made sure I wasn't just sitting around trying to scare myself on google, so she called and facetimed almost every day. She also called the restaurant the night we were at dinner and paid for part of our dinner. She told them to say "Cheers" but for some reason the server came out and told us that someone had called in, paid for part of our dinner and said "Sears." We were all very confused. Sears? What does that mean? No one understood and for a while we couldn't figure out who did it. But this friend is just that type of person. Always giving of herself to her family and friends and so I knew it had to be her. Later on, we asked "why did you say Sears?" and she said "huh? I said Cheers." We still laugh about that to this day. If you haven't noticed, my girlfriends are amazing and so very important to me.
Biopsy Day
February 9th was a Tuesday. The day started off as normal, with a meeting at the school. A PTA mom's work waits for no one! My friends also showed up again and brought me some goodies. It started with a Starbucks, then lunch from Chick fil a, followed by a homemade dinner casserole and the best cookie cake of all time. Sears to you!
My husband had recently moved into a new position at work; one he wasn't exactly thrilled about, but again, God knew what He was doing. Instead of working his traditional firefighter schedule of 24hrs on 48hrs off, he was now working Monday-Friday. The hours were never the same, but he did have a little flexibility. This particular day, that meant he was able to come home a little early and take me to the appointment. He and the kids drove me to the office (the right one this time) and dropped me off (because again, Covid) and he took the kids to play nearby. The procedure was supposed to take about an hour. The ladies in the office were so sweet. They got me ready and positioned on the table. I'd like to say it was nothing like the pictures I'd tortured myself with, but it was. I was lying kind of on my side and kind of on my stomach with my breast in a hole. The radiologist positioned the ultrasound and they found the spot. By this time, they knew where they were looking and what they were looking for. They injected some local anesthetic and we waited a bit. Once they assumed the local anesthetic had done it's job, the surgeon began to insert the needle. Using the screen, the radiologist guided the surgeon and the needle to the correct spot. The core needle biopsy uses an automated mechanism. It makes a clicking sound. The automation moves the needle forward and fills it with "cores" of the breast tissue. The outer part moves forward to cut the tissue. This process is repeated 3-6 times, but of course in my case it took all 6. The first couple were ok, but then I guess I began making some pretty ugly faces because the radiologist stopped and said "are you ok? Does it hurt?" Yes! Yes, it hurts! They both were like "speak up. We will give you more local." They did and the rest of the procedure was much more tolerable. The needle was removed and a very small marker was inserted at the site so it's easier to locate in the future. They applied pressure, covered the area with a dressing and it was over. I called my husband to tell him it was over and he and the kids came back to pick me up. I was a little uncomfortable so we went home fairly quickly.
And guess what we do now? WAIT for results! The breast cancer story to be continued...
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