I have breast cancer. Now, what's the plan?
Welcome to my breast cancer story. If you haven't been following along, the earlier stories can be found here:
I'm a planner. I have a clipboard of fun and I like it!
I need a plan. I like to know what's happening, when it's happening and how it's happening. I married into a family that is NOT. My first few trips with them, I was a ball of anxiety. I've now learned to just make my own plans and I've gotten better at going with the flow.
So needless to say, now that I had this scary diagnosis, I needed a plan.
The next couple of weeks were terrible. I had cancer. Like, seriously? Is this real life?
What do you do next?
The night after I received my diagnosis, I did not sleep much. The words "you have cancer" really do a number on your brain. To this day, this is my biggest struggle; where your brain can go, if you let it. The next day, thankfully, I had plans. It was one of my best friend's son's birthday and we were going out to celebrate. We loaded up in the car and drove across town to a pizza place to be served by robots. It was so much fun and exactly what I needed at the time. A distraction from my own thoughts.
The rest of the week, I tried to stay busy. The kids were out of school for winter break, so I had them to keep me active. We went on several hikes. My parents even came up and went to church with us on Sunday and we went on a hike that afternoon.
I was still having trouble sleeping, so my doctor sent me in a prescription to help. I felt much better once I was able to sleep well again. I also decided to try a diet change and went gluten free. I needed something I could do to try and make a change. All the waiting was driving me crazy.
During these 2 weeks, I want to be very transparent. I had LOTS of talks with God. Some good and some, well, let's just say I'm glad He's a Big God! I prayed, I cried, I screamed, I even cussed Him in the shower a little. I went through a wide array of emotions. My husband would just hug me, which is funny because I am not a hugger, but I needed it. He never tried to "fix" me, he would just offer a hug when he could tell I needed it. Some people think as Christians, we can't have emotions towards Christ. But this is so not true. He wants us to come to Him with all of our emotions; good or bad. He's a Big enough God to handle it. Jesus had emotions too, when he was here on earth.
In John 15:10-11 He shows Joy
In Matthew 14:13, Mark 6:31, Luke 5:16 & John 6:15 He shows Exhaustion
In Matthew 23:33 He expresses Anger
In John 2:13-17 He expresses Disgust
In John 11:33-35 & Luke 19:41 He shows Sadness
In Matthew 9:20-22 & John 8:1-11 He shows Compassion
In Matthew 17 & Mark 4:35-41 He shows Frustration
In Luke 22:42 He shows Agony
We can come to Him with our feelings and emotions, no matter what they are.
I also sang this song a lot. https://youtu.be/qtvQNzPHn-w
My MRI was scheduled for Tuesday, February 23rd @ 8:30am. A friend drove me and dropped me off. The imaging center at Kennestone Hospital is a great place. The people were all very nice. I went back and sat in a serene waiting room where you're offered cucumber water and a little relaxation. Once they were ready, I went into the MRI area. You have your own dressing room with a locker for your things. I changed into the scrub pants and hospital gown and took a look in the mirror. I took a pic to send to my friends and at that moment, the reality of it all hit me HARD. Here I was, in scrubs, about to get a scan to look at CANCER in my body. I cried and cried some more. The nurse was so sweet and told me to take my time to gather myself. I eventually did and was able to continue. She started my IV line and then they walked me into the room with the giant machine. I was positioned on my stomach, headphones were placed on my head with music playing and in I went. Since I was face down and had my eyes closed for the majority of the time, the MRI did not bother me. Yes, the clanging can get loud and the contrast they inject through the IV line gives you a weird feeling, but overall it was not a bad experience. My friend picked me back up and home we went. The rest of the week I had ups and downs. Thursday, I met with a dear friend and one of her friends that has gone through this exact thing. It was so good to talk with someone that has been through it. I asked questions and also just listened to how things worked out for her (And she's still doing great, by the way, which is so encouraging). Having someone to talk to was the absolute BEST thing for me. If you are reading this and you are in this situation, please find someone you can talk to that's walked through it. If you don't know of anyone, email me and I will talk to you and answer questions.
Seriously, what's the plan?
Finally, on Monday March 1st, I met with my breast surgeon again. We discussed MRI results and finally, plan options. My cancer was small and caught early (thank you mammogram!) so a lumpectomy was the logical choice. She explained how it would go and gave me lots of research numbers. It all sounded fine, but I knew in my heart, I wanted a mastectomy. I had prayed about this since January and I had an overwhelming peace about this option. We discussed it and she said it was ultimately my choice. She agreed, with my anxiety and for my own peace of mind that it sounded like a good option to her as well. There was just something inside of me that was saying "Do it!" So now I would need to meet with a plastic surgeon to discuss the reconstruction part of the process. She worked with 2 plastic surgeons, but I didn't even need the 2nd one's info, I knew who I was using because he came highly recommended by people I knew. It would be another 11 days of waiting until I could get in to see him. Ugh, the WAITING. So. Much. Waiting. But at least this time, I felt like we were getting somewhere. A plan was coming together.
I met with Crawford Plastic Surgery on Friday, March 12th. Like I said previously, he came highly recommended and he did not disappoint. He made an uncomfortable appointment as pleasant as he could. We discussed reconstruction options and what I loved about him, was I did not feel like he was a salesman trying to sell me the most expensive option out there. He started with Option 1. No reconstruction at all. Some people stay flat and some do prosthetic type adds in their clothing. Not really my style. Option 2. Reconstruction with implants. This is the option that several people I knew had done and was honestly what I expected to agree on. Then there was Option 3. DIEP Flap Reconstruction. This was the most invasive and most difficult recovery. Initially, it sounds terrible. Dr. Goodwin, my breast surgeon, even joked at the end of our meeting to not let him talk me into this option because the recovery is so rough. Well, apparently I like a challenge because that's the one that felt like the best option to me. Thankfully I didn't have to make a final decision right then. I could wait until it was time to get everything scheduled to make my final decision.
What is a DIEP Flap?
During a DIEP flap procedure, surgeons take the same skin and fat that they’d use in a TRAM flap. But instead of taking the same muscle, surgeons use only the blood vessel that feeds the skin and fat and leave the muscle in place, which better preserves abdominal wall strength. Surgeons then attach the tiny blood vessels in the flap to the blood vessels in the chest using microsurgery. Surgeons bring the navel back out through a separate incision and reshape it. DIEP flap surgery takes from six to eight hours. After DIEP flap surgery, your belly looks flatter and feels tighter — as if you’d had a tummy tuck. The abdominal incision for DIEP flap surgery leaves a scar that runs horizontally from one hip to the other and is located about one-third of the way up between the top of your pubic hair and your navel, usually below your bikini line. Sometimes the blood vessels that surgeons need to use in DIEP flap procedures are not located in a single line in the abdominal muscle. Surgeons may need to use a few vessels that are located in different areas of the muscle. Rather than cut through the muscle, surgeons may disconnect one of the vessels and bring it around the intervening muscle and reconnect it again. Some surgeons call this technique the APEX (abdominal perforator exchange) flap procedure. Not all breast reconstruction surgeons offer DIEP flap surgery, and the procedure is not widely available in hospitals. Ask your cancer care team to refer you to plastic surgeons specializing in DIEP flap reconstruction, especially if your surgeon has recommended TRAM flap surgery and you are concerned about its risk and possible complications.
This information is provided by Breastcancer.org.
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I'm feeling better. We have a plan. I have cancer, but there's a plan to get rid of it! I'm going to do a double mastectomy with reconstruction.
But, when?
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