It's All Downhill after 40! Or is it?
Why do we say this? I mean, I know things change after 40, but is it really downhill? Has the best part of our lives come and gone? I don't think so. Yes, maybe things that didn't used to hurt now all of a sudden remind us how old we are, but someone said to me just yesterday "Life begins at 40" and I'd much rather say that than it's all downhill!
We enter a new season of life. Many of us don't have tiny babies anymore. Our kids are growing up and we are experiencing life a little differently. Sure, maybe a little more ibuprofen is taken, but it's hardly downhill!
How it all began
My mom (but also my grandmother - more on that later lol) has had breast cancer twice. I know what you're thinking, oh, it runs in the family so she should have known. NOPE! My biological mom was adopted, and we unfortunately do not know much about her side of the family. Because of this and the fact that my paternal grandmother had breast cancer, I was sent for genetic testing in 2019. I was negative for 33 or out 34 markers and the 1 other was inconclusive. So, I did not have the BRCA gene. My gynecologist sent me for my first mammogram at 39 (also 2019) just to be safe. I had no idea how important that 1-year early test would be.
So here we are, I've just turned 40 and my 2nd mammogram appointment was set for January 12th, 2021. The appointment was at 8:15am. OK, let's stop right here for just a minute because if I can tell you anything through this blog it's that you need to get a mammogram. PLEASE. It's not scary. It doesn't "hurt." Sure, it's a little uncomfortable and depending on the makeup of your breast, it might be slightly painful for a very short amount of time, but do not let that be the reason you don't get one. There have been so many advancements in breast cancer research and a breast cancer diagnosis does not have to be a death sentence. It's treatable and even curable, IF YOU CATCH IT EARLY ENOUGH! Do it, like now. Call your doctor and get the order and schedule it. I'll wait.....
OK, you good? Got that all scheduled? Fantastic! I'll be praying for you, but in the meantime, let's continue.
I arrive and check in. My tech was super sweet and she made the whole process as easy as possible. I was in and out in less than an hour. Easy peasy, no big deal. Another thing checked off the new year to-do list. I went to work-out at 11:30am (see, I told you it won't ruin your whole day) then continued about my normal routine for when my husband is at the station. The next 3 days I was scheduled to sub at my kids' school. No, I most definitely am not a teacher. Those people are SAINTS! I am just a sucker for when some of my favorite people call me and say, "can you please help, we are desperate." That Thursday I received a phone call that something looked slightly suspicious and that I would need to come back in for an ultrasound. I'm still not worried at this point. Things come back abnormal all the time and it's nothing of concern. I do remember telling my husband though, if somehow this turns out to be "something" these babies are gone! It was just a decision I had in my head for a long time. Not that I ever expected to get cancer, but a close friend of mine that did have the BRCA gene and had family history of cancer had a double mastectomy previously. I remember thinking how pro-active she was and what a great decision to say, "breast cancer will answer to me, not me to it." So, I just thought, I'll do the same thing and just get ahead of it. But again, still not really worried at this point.
My ultrasound was scheduled for January 20th @ 10am. It was at the same location as my mammogram. They took me back and I laid on the table and she began to search for this suspicious spot. She's searching and she's searching. She isn't really saying much, just keeps looking at the notes and moving the wand around. Finally, she says to me "I can't find anything." That's great news, right? I was happy. Great, let me get dressed and get on out of here. But no, she said she could not give up searching. That something was clearly on the mammogram and she needed to find it. She looked a while longer and then another tech came in. They traded places and the new girl looked and looked. Still, nothing could be found. The tech that did my original mammogram comes in and says, "I'm going to take you back to the waiting room. We are going to work you in for another mammogram." So I went in and waited until she finally had a spot available for me. Back on the X, turn this way, tilt that way, twist just slightly, HOLD. There it is, she says. She freeze-frames it and comes back to me and marks on my body exactly where she is seeing it show up on the screen. At this point I'm starting to maybe think this could be something of concern, but no, not really. I'm only 40. I go back to the ultrasound room where both previous techs were and the mammogram tech comes in with them. She's showing them what she sees on the
mammogram, she shows them where she marked on me and they return to the search. By now, I've realized, they seem to have concerned faces. The mammogram tech was missing her lunch, but she said she wasn't leaving until they found what they needed. I just got the feeling that there was some urgency to this. That they were determined to find what they were looking for and there had to be a reason for that. Eventually they say, "we think we've found it. Hold very still, she's going to get the radiologist right now." Seriously, she held that wand as still as anything I've ever seen, she had me be still, they had the mammogram screen pulled up on another computer and one lady literally ran down the hall to get the radiologist to come in at that very minute. OK, NOW I'm starting to panic a little. He comes in, looks at both screens, looks at me and tried to explain what they are seeing. Now, let me tell you, when I say I have no idea what they see on those screens, I'm not kidding. With the exception of a head and actual limbs, I didn't know what I was looking at on the sonogram pics of my kids either. I really can't understand when he's pointing at, what looks to me like a black spot in the middle of black and white lines and why should that be alarming. He shows me on the mammogram how the screen was lit up and bright in 1 tiny area. He said "the ultrasound shows us if that spot is filled with some kind of liquid or if it's solid and in your case, it's solid. We aren't looking at a cyst or something filled with fluid. It's solid and therefore you need to find a doctor to look into it further to find out what it is." Meaning, you need a biopsy. I also saw words on the screen that I thought to myself, look those up later. Words like, spiculated and abnormal margins. He explained the type of biopsy I needed. He told me how I could find a doctor to do this and then wished me good luck and left the room. The 3 ladies are still with me. I could just tell by looking at them that they were concerned for me. They gave me wonderful words of encouragement, but their eyes said something. The fact that they would not let this go, said something. I walked out with a brochure in my hand about breast biopsies and a lump in my throat.
What do I do now? Where do I even begin? Remember that close friend I talked about earlier that had already had a mastectomy? Well, let's just say thank God for her! God knew I needed her to be my friend and He brought her into my life at the perfect time. I talked with her about who her doctors were. I googled doctors. I prayed. And then I prayed some more. I finally made the decision to use the same group she did, just a different doctor as hers was not still practicing. I made my consultation appointment. All I could do now was wait. My appointment was set for Tuesday, January 26th. 2 weeks after my mammogram.
Thus begins my breast cancer story.
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