Welcome! I'm glad you're here. If this is your first visit to my blog you can find earlier posts about my breast cancer journey here: https://www.kc3blog.com/blog/categories/my-story
Who am I? I’m just a mom that battled and beat breast cancer in my 40s with the support of my wonderful husband, family and amazing friends all while raising kids, working, navigating chaos & trusting Christ! Follow along as I share my story.
The plan was set in motion. I'd made my decisions about how I wanted to proceed for treatment, and I was just waiting on the phone call for the dates. As I waited, keeping my mind off what was happening was hard. I finally decided to make my situation public knowledge. Up to this point, only my close family and friends knew anything about what was happening. However, word starts to travel quickly, and people began to ask questions. One poor friend, Terri, was acting as my personal secretary. People would call or text her to find out what was going on. I finally decided it was time to just let everyone in on what was going on because I could use the extra prayers and support. I made my first social media post about my situation on March 15th. It said:
It has been exactly 1 month since I heard words I honestly never thought I would hear. "It's invasive ductal carcinoma." It took me by surprise and it took my breath away. And the only reason I am sharing so publicly is because ALL Glory be to God! (& so Terri Lowe doesn't have to keep being my secretary). This past month I've seen the importance of Faith, Family & Friendship. God is bigger than any medical diagnosis. He's a big enough God to handle our questions. He's ok if I'm crying in the shower asking, "why Lord why" He gently replies, "why not you" He can handle me saying "I'm scared Lord" He whispers "I know, it's ok. I got you" Yes, I've been scared, nervous, anxious, all the feels, but I've also had peace because I can hear God telling me "you're going to be ok" and you know what? I am! My family has walked along with me every step of the way. Always there if I need to cry or vent or talk through a decision. Solid as rocks! My sweet husband has adapted to not trying to solve a problem or fixing anything, but instead just offering a hug (which in itself is kind of humorous, since I'm not a big hugger). And oh the friendships. They have held me up when I wanted to fall. We've shared lots of laughs, cake, Mexican, drinks, drinks and a few more drinks and we've shared many tears together. God knew exactly who I needed in my life before allowing me to go on this journey. It's a ride, folks, and it's just the beginning and as scared as I am, I can't wait to see what God does because I will be able to come out and say "I'm a breast cancer survivor and to God be the Glory!" PS-our children do not need to know anything other than mommy is having some surgery to take care of something icky. I appreciate all the love and prayers
The outpouring of love and support was amazing. People I had not heard from in a while reached out and some had even gone through the same situation and it was SO good to pick their brains and hear their stories. It helped ease my heart and soul!
Then both of my parents both got covid. Talk about a great mind distraction, just not quite the one we would have wanted. My mom2 (stepmom, but we have never used that word) was hospitalized. She thankfully never had to go on a ventilator, but she came darn close. It was scary, but as any mom would do, she always just called to check on me and how I was doing; I mean, when she could talk. My dad ended up testing positive a few days later, but his was manageable at home. My sweet sister, who was taking care of both of them surprisingly never ended up with it. She must have that good blood.
While Juju was in the hospital, their dog, Herschel, got loose and ran off chasing a deer. My parents live a little over an hour away, so I was trying to help track the dog online, posting on any and all sites I could while my dad and sister were out looking for the dog. That stinkin' dog was gone for several days and finally they received a call from their vet saying "I think we have Herschel." I guess he finally got tired enough to find a porch to fall asleep on. He looks proud of himself, doesn't he? Stinkin'dog!
So, I've had a few distractions, but the best one was helping to celebrate a friend's 40th birthday one Saturday evening. We went axe throwing and man it was some fantastic therapy. I threw that axe like I was aiming at cancer. I was able to let out some pent-up frustrations as well laugh and have fun. It was perfect timing for such an event. If you ever need a fun event with some stress release, I highly recommend axe throwing!
The phone call I've been waiting for finally happened! I had a date. My double mastectomy & reconstruction was scheduled for April 26th. It's about as real as it gets now. That is, until the chaos ensues.
The next couple of weeks I had some pre-op appointments and meetings. I started to not feel so great. I was super tired, had no energy to do anything and just felt blah, but no real symptoms or sickness, yet. I had a pre-op appointment with Dr. Goodwin on the 30th and we discussed the mastectomy procedure and how she would remove lymph nodes while in the room and have them tested right away. I signed my consent forms and we were all set. Wednesday morning, we get up for school and I felt a little better, but then my daughter said she had a headache. Oh no, maybe we should wait this day out and see if anyone else develops any other symptoms. By 2pm I'd been hit by a bus. Fever, body aches, all the things. I remember talking to my mom (who thankfully had come home by now) and saying, "I just can't explain it" and she said, "you have covid." No, that can't happen. Not now. I refused to believe I could have covid. I stayed home and rested, but I didn't seem to be getting any better. I sounded awful and felt even worse. I could hardly keep my head up and I couldn't eat anything. Then I found out that 8 other people in our Life Group, that had met that previous Sunday, all tested positive. I still wanted to be in denial, but the writing was on the wall. Thankfully, the kids did not have terrible symptoms. Abbie Rae had a headache & slight cough & Walker had a mild fever & wanted to cuddle for about 8 hours, then they were fine. Phillip managed to stay well. On Thursday, 4/8 I began to feel even worse. I asked Phillip to stop at the store on his way home from work and get me a nutritional shake of some kind so I could at least put something on my stomach. My husband, who is a firefighter and paramedic, said "you need to see a doctor." I was still in denial. I said, "I'm ok." I was too afraid to accept I was this sick for fear of it messing up all the plans already in place. At one point he even said to me, "as a medical professional, you need to see a doctor." Still, I thought I was ok. Finally, after talking to my friend who is also an ER nurse and she reiterated everything Phillip said and emphasized that I needed to see a doctor, just don't go to the ER because they were full and I wasn't dying (even though I kinda felt like it at this point), I looked at Phillip and said "Kim said I need to see a doctor." He has never let me live this down. She said the same things he said, but for some reason I accepted it when I heard it from her. Even to this day, he will say "do I need to have Kim call and tell you." So, I gathered all the energy I could muster, which wasn't much and off we went to urgent care. I waited in the car while Phillip went inside to check me in. Thankfully, they weren't too busy and took me back fairly quickly. The nurse almost seemed annoyed with me that I had not had a covid test yet. She took vitals and did the rapid test. The doctor came in and said they wanted to do a chest X-ray, so off I went for that too. I was back in the room waiting on results. Phillip and the kids were playing in the parking lot. I could see them from my room. Finally, the doctor came in and sure enough, I had covid and not only that, I had covid pneumonia. I cried, but that hurt because I couldn't breathe so I stopped. This was going to mess everything up. BUT, I still had 3 weeks. Surely, I could get well enough to proceed in 3 weeks. I didn't call my doctors because I was really hoping I could get over it, especially now that I had some medicine. I suffered through the weekend, but by Monday I knew I had to let the doctors know what was happening. I called and told the scheduler what had happened and she was so nice. I could genuinely feel how sorry she was for me and this situation. She said she would talk to the doctors and call me back. It was Spring Break for the kids and there was no way I could do anything fun with them. To get them away from me and let me rest, Phillip took them for a quick get a way to Chattanooga. They didn't have any real plans, but give my kids a hotel and a pool and they will tell you it was the best trip of their life! When they returned, I was slowly getting better. I was no longer testing positive and was able to move around for a bit. My friends had planned a "TaTa to Tatas" party, but we ended up having to postpone it because I still didn't feel well enough to make it through an afternoon out of the house.
Then I heard the words I did not want to hear
The scheduler called back and gave me the news I'd been dreading. Dr. Crawford said "No way!" My total surgery was expected to take about 12-14 hours, most of that being the reconstruction part. Dr. Crawford did not feel comfortable putting me under anesthesia for that long with covid lungs. Since covid was still fairly new, we were still learning about all the long-term effects it had on lungs. We had to postpone. I was devastated. I begged and pleaded for any option possible to still go through with it, but as much as it pained me to accept, he was looking out for my best interest. And when I say he wanted to postpone, I don't mean a week or even 2 weeks, no, postpone until JUNE! 2 months! I couldn't do anything but cry. My breast surgeon agreed that it was best not to proceed with the full surgery, however she did not feel comfortable leaving cancer in my body for another 2 months. She suggested we do a lumpectomy, you know, the surgery they initially recommended, but I declined. It would at least get the cancer out and then if I still wanted to proceed, we could reschedule for June. I was so upset. So many things had fallen into place in order to make this happen. My sister-in law was coming to stay with the kids and help out. My kids' school had even set up a meal train for us that was completely full for the days after what was supposed to be this major surgery. But now everything was falling apart. I was so upset with God that He was allowing this to happen. Wasn't it bad enough I had to deal with cancer in the first place? Now, the entire plan is being thrown away. I prayed (maybe yelled a little too) and cried and talked to my family and friends about options. I knew I needed to trust God's plan, but I just couldn't understand how this was good. Finally, I agreed, let's do the lumpectomy and get it out, but I still wanted the mastectomy. I'd spent all this time preparing myself for it and I still had such a huge peace about it, I knew I still wanted to go through with it. So, instead of a 12 hour surgery on April 26th, I was now going to have a lumpectomy, which should take about an hour and a half, but we didn't know when just yet.
I remember another social media post I made about this:
Sometimes life throws us a curve ball and we don't understand why or even begin to comprehend how the changes can be for the good. This is one of those times. I'm trusting God's perfect plan, but it's HARD when plans get changed. I had everything set for a double mastectomy and reconstruction for the end of this month. All plans fell into place perfectly and all was working out. Cancer was coming out and I was going to be on the road to full health recovery. Then I got Covid. Then not only covid, I now have Covid pneumonia. My surgeon isn't comfortable putting me under anesthesia for such a long procedure with pneumonia lungs, so now my big surgery is being postponed, but my other surgeon wants to get the cancer out now. Things are all up in the air and I'm having to take things one day at a time. It's hard. It's frustrating. But I love my people that have been by my side praying and encouraging. I will get through this, even if the timeline changes. I will come out a breast cancer (and covid and pneumonia) survivor! But if you have it in you to throw up a little prayer for my nerves, I'd greatly appreciate it. Praise be to God in this storm!
And boy, did the timing ever work out! But more on that later.
The next week was tough. That Monday, when I got the news that everything would be rescheduled, I broke down on the phone with Terri. She's a great person to break down on because she just listens and lets you get it out and then offers sweet words of encouragement. She doesn't try to fix the situation, she just lets you have your feelings, which as women, let's admit, that's what we really need. Just let us get it out. On Tuesday, I had to function. I got the kids off to school and then I had a CT Scan scheduled, which the plastic surgeons office said to still proceed with. I made it through that and then met Phillip for breakfast. This was the most activity I'd done in 2 weeks so by the time I got home, I was exhausted and I crashed. The school's annual plant sale was also happening this week. The plants were being delivered and we had to stay after school for people to come pick up their plants they had ordered. Thankfully we had an AMAZING PTA and so many people pitched in and helped that I didn't have to do much. Thursday I get a text from Renee that says "I've already talked to Phillip and you are ours for a little while tonight." After I broke down on Terri the few nights before, she knew I needed some encouragement. So we went out for Mexican and it was so good to sit and laugh with friends again. I seriously could not have done any of this without them. That evening, the scheduler called back and gave me my updated itinerary. I was scheduled for the lumpectomy on Friday, 4/23 and then the mastectomy and reconstruction would be on June 14th, which also happened to be mine and Phillip's 13th wedding anniversary. So here we are. Having 2 surgeries instead of 1. I still couldn't see how this was better, but at least I had a new plan.
Ta-Ta to Tatas
So back to the party my friends planned. The one we had to postpone. On Sunday, April 18th, 2021, I experienced love like I've never experienced before. Yes, I was loved by my parents & yes, my husband loves me dearly, but this was different. This was people CHOOSING to love me and support me. My bestie, Claudia, the one that had to nerve to move to Texas, came to town for the weekend, so it already started off great. The party was held at a local vineyard. My sweet friend, Michelle, coordinated the whole thing. You could tell she's planned a party or 2 in her life, because every detail was covered. They got there early to set up, because it's a first come first served seating place, so they wanted to make sure we got a table in the shade. They had food and cake and just the right amount of pink scattered everywhere. It was a perfect afternoon with the best people!
I truly believe God works in a variety of ways to let us know He hears us and that He's there for us, when we sometimes feel alone. As we were finishing up, we asked a lady sitting near us if she would take a picture. She happily agreed and asked what we were celebrating. We told her I was getting ready to have some surgery due to breast cancer and she replied, "I'm 1 year out from mine." Wow! The 1 person we asked in all of the vineyard had gone though the exact same thing. But it gets better! She asked me who my doctors were and I said, "Dr. Goodwin & Dr. Crawford" and she said, "they were mine too." Seriously? What are the odds that I would run into someone who used the same doctors and went through a very similar surgery. We talked and exchanged numbers. She even sent me a few pictures to show how amazing things turned out for her. It was such a blessing to hear how well things went and how happy she was in her decision. And that she was cancer free, 1 year out! God knew I needed that little boost. He knew just what would ease my heart and remind me that He was in control of this situation, no matter how out of control I felt like things were getting.
So, party's over and I'm exhausted. I had a few more appointments that week gearing up to the surgery. I need to be at the hospital on Friday, 4/23 @ 5:30am! Whether I liked the situation or not.
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