I recently read the book "I'll be there for you (But I'll be wearing sweatpants)" by: Amy Weatherly & Jess Johnston
If you haven't read this book, I highly recommend it. It's not a "change your life" kind of book, but it will make you laugh and it will also confirm that you are not alone in how you are feeling about friendships.
Adult friendships are HARD! I know not everyone is like me. I have a bit of an unapproachable face (hi, RBF) and I have a wee bit of social anxiety. Making friends and then keeping them (by actually doing things with them) hasn't always been easy. Teen years were fine. I had great friends in high school. 20s were fun, but my 30s. Whew...those were rough! I had my husband, thank goodness, but I also had 2 small children. Making friends wasn't easy. I went to moms' groups at church and met a few people through pre-school, but it was hard to really get to know anyone. I had "friends" that I could chat with at pick-up or say hello to walking into church, but I didn't really have close friends to laugh and confide in and feel like they were truly part of my life. Then came my 40s!
How friendships change in your 40s
Your 40s are just different. Things that used to seem important, just aren't anymore and you realize that what's really important isn't any "thing", it's people. When you are younger, you want friends to go out with. In your 40s you want friends you can stay in with. What I mean is, friends that stop by for coffee and chat on Monday morning. Or friends that ask you to run to Costco with them (because who couldn't use something from Costco). Or friends that will pick up your kids from school or an activity because you are stuck at a doctor's appointment.
I wanted more "run errand friends" and less "only see each other twice a year over a fancy dinner" friends.
In the book, 1 particular paragraph stood out to me.
"Let me set the record straight: being a good friend does not mean being a perfect friend. It doesn't mean always knowing the right thing to say or do. It doesn't mean sacrificing all your needs to make someone else happy. It doesn't mean never feeling awkward or unsure. It doesn't mean being available day or night., 24-7. Being a good friend means being intentional about giving what you can. It means showing up whenever possible. It means texting to check in when your week is too crazy to get together. It means loving right smack dab in the middle of the mess and chaos."
I wouldn't trade my friends right now for anything in the world. They absolutely loved me smack dab in the middle of my mess! So, my encouragement to you, wherever you are on your friendship journey of life; be patient but put yourself out there. If your kids are young, find a moms group to meet people. If your kids are in school, join the PTA (I had to plug the PTA :) but seriously, they aren't the "parents to avoid." The core of my absolute BEST friends right now came from none other than the PTA!
We weren't built to do life alone. We were meant for friendships.
Follow my story to see how my friends helped me through one of the hardest experiences of my life
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